30 Day Husband Encouragement: Day 11

15 Sep

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Day Eleven:

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Eph. 5:22

Women who are constantly negative toward their husbands – especially by speaking evil of them to others – show great disrespect. Determine not to do that today (or ever!). This challenge to encourage is closely connected to submission.

Men respond to women who respect them. What do you respect about your husband? Part of that respect includes submission to his authority. Let your husband know how respecting him makes it easier to submit to his leadership. Show your respect in public by listening to him and smiling at him when he speaks. Place your hand in his as you walk together.
If you feel there is nothing to respect, search harder …nearly every man has some core characteristic that can be nurtured and respected. In any case, you must still cultivate a submissive spirit to his position of leadership…”as to the Lord.”

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4 Responses to “30 Day Husband Encouragement: Day 11”

  1. Jazz September 15, 2009 at 16:32 #

    I respect that he respects me and my opinions and treats me as an equal. I respect that he would never expect submission out of me, and that, more to the point he’d have much less respect for me if I didn’t make my opinions known and stand up for them when I know I’m right. I respect that he firmly believes that important decisions about our lives should be made by the two of us.

    The men and women I know were all raised to believe in these values.

    We’re obviously not getting any closer philosophically speaking. 😉

    • Chris September 15, 2009 at 18:08 #

      Equality and leadership/submission aren’t mutually exclusive characteristics. Indeed – people are much easier to submit to or lead out of an understanding that these roles don’t change equality but promote harmony.

      I am a programmer, as you will doubtlessly have realized, and a partner in 2 equally small companies. I happen to take the lead in one of them, and follow the lead in the other. This isn’t because the people involved are in any way inferior or superior, but because out of equality and unity of mind we all decided that everyone needs a different role, and a leadership capacity isn’t easily shared between explosively emotional people. Marriage is where explosive emotion is a treasured thing.

      Now, to where we differ…The bible says pretty much of all that, and adds that the roles the Lord decided on were that the boys are to lead in a completely self-sacrificial way, while the girls are to submit in a completely self-sacrificial way. With both being self-sacrificial, nobody can be the one-upper. But with both performing their roles everything is made that much easier.

      I think a lot of people misunderstand (or have misunderstood, at some point) the intention of marriage to some degree, not least of all me. It’s not (biblically) meant to be a contract, but rather a covenant. It is, in the truest sense, a giving of oneself to another without wont or self-motivation. What I have seldom understood and rarely live up to is my covenant to my wife – to give all of myself, self-sacrificially, unequivocally. But that is the promise I made to her, and she made to me. In that and every other sense that matters, we are equal. We just wear different hats.

  2. Jazz September 15, 2009 at 21:45 #

    OK, for the sake of argument, let’s say equality and submission aren’t mutually exclusive. Though I wouldn’t bring work into this. I’m not the boss at work, but I’m there to do a job – it’s far far different from a relationship I think.

    However, I still fail to see how being submissive (even disregarding any thought of equality) in my relationship would be good for either me or my husband. I don’t see how his making all the decisions and my going along even if they were obviously WRONG decisions could be good for either of us (any more than his going along with a stupid decision of mine would be good).

    Other than stoking his ego – and I don’t think anyone needs one’s ego built up by supporting obviously wrong decisions – I don’t see what can be accomplished and how it can be any good for the relationship.

    • Christopher September 16, 2009 at 08:17 #

      I mention work, not because I’m in a relationship to do a job, but because it’s easier to differentiate between roles and equality, and see both in play. We’re all equal at work, but we all have different roles – was my point.

      Submission isn’t a template role for the relationship doormat anymore than chairman is the template role for the corporate emperor. It is simply an attitude of deference in a potentially heated or argumentative situation. Liz isn’t submissive in her every thought and deed, but only when the situation calls for her to be. I, on the other hand, am called to love all the time.

      Guys are very much at fault in this – it’s so much easier for us to know when to be loving. We simply have to keep on doing it. Girls, on the other hand, only really need to be submissive to their husbands when the situation requires, in the manner best befitting it.

      Submission, in this sense, is beneficial because the family unit can grow through learning from bad decisions, while still being united. It’s beneficial because the husband can know that his wife will stand by him in support, even when he’s not very worthy of the position, and that; come what may – she will be there for him.

      It’s beneficial because he can love her for her patience and understanding – love her all the time – because she isn’t difficult to love, or subversive. She may talk to him about his wrong choices, and it may make all the difference in helping him to change his mind, but come the point of no return – she will still be there in support.

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