WARNING: this is a big confession and soul bearing.
I have a confession to make… I am a closet perfectionist… I am also a very clear procrastinator… and this is a problem. I want my house to look like this:
but I keep putting off the important things… I use excuses, like I’m tired or I’ll do it tomorrow. But all in all I’m just a sinful procrastinator. As far as I can tell my heart is the problem, and this affects my priorities which causes the procrastination.
My home-keeping journal is full of lists and schedules that have yet to be properly implemented, I do a weekly menu plan which is more often than not forgotten by Tuesday. I plan to do laundry, only to lose the motivation when I see that we still have enough clothes,or the weather looks peaky. I begin to tidy up, but then get severely sidetracked by an idea, which needs to be checked out online, after which i find myself having spend 2 hours online and the house is still a mess. I get frustrated with things that lie around and that aren’t in their place but when I get around to picking them up I’m already half mad. And it goes on and on…
This post by Ann Voskamp and this one by Lindsay Edmonds made me think a lot about my homemaking problems. Even though they do not directly relate to my issue, they touched on very good points. I have learnt a lot from reading these ladies’ blogs, and one thing thats core to both their lives is the Lord, and spending time with Him. That is my core problem. Its the issue at the centre of my homemaking dilemma and my procrastination and my confused priorities.
I neglect to spend regular time with God.
There its out. Its something that I know is probably my biggest sin, and as I said the reason it feels like my life is totally disorganised,and I don’t get to doing things, or lack the motivation to do them. I don’t start my day with Him at my centre. I know in my heart and mind that if I did this, then my calling to be a stay at home wife and mom, would feel more satisfying, and my family would be more to me and I would work so much harder for them.
But I would also be able to do the things that truly matter… and forget about having the perfect house and the perfect food and the perfect kids. It would be enough to just be a godly home, with godly parents trying to raise godly kids, and do the best as God wills. As Ann says “I want seen things”, and that’s a heart problem and one based on a need for a deeper relationship with the Father. The unseen things like the prayers, the simple things, are worth more than the seen things. I need to spend time with the Creator to become content with the way things are and to be a godly wife and run my home like a Proverbs 31 women would.
“Contentment is being able to come to terms with where you are and what’s going on in your life, even if it’s not what you would have chosen for yourself. True contentment is not having everything you want, but learning to appreciate everything you have.”
I am happy with the choice to stay at home, and be a mother and a wife. I just need to find my identity in Christ and not in how pretty and tidy my house is. Then I will be able to be a better mother and wife.
That’s my challenge to myself, and if you relate, please join me…