Today

8 Feb

Its been 3 years and 2 months since I promised my life, my heart and my future to you.

Its been 3 years filled with tickling, breakfast-for-dinner, chocolate slabs, pillow fight-fights, talking teddies, sleep-conversations, dreaming, praying, developer juice, surprises, love, sleeping late, hugs, cuddling, kisses and dancing. Its also been 3 years of hard work, tears, heartbreak, sadness, wanting babies that didn’t come, growing-apart-growing-together, moving and sacrifices.

Then suddenly it changed, two became three within minutes with the skill of a doctors scalpel. The bed now has one more, one demanding, heart stealing, helpless, dependent little one. We wake at night from cries for feeds, we look tiredly at each other, knowing it will happen again and again.

Our time is not our own anymore, this third has stolen that, just as he stole our hearts. This third person we can’t help but love, even through the frustrated tears, the smelly nappies, the sleep deprivation. This third person we have been given, our miracle we wanted too much, the one God gave us to raise for Him.

I wake up early to get ready for the day, making you “developer juice” to stave off the sleep when you go to work for us, I dress myself, and prepare while you both sleep, so that I can do my work during the day. The work I prayed to be blessed with. I look at the two of you sleeping side by side, seeing you, the man who made this little person with me, this unexpected but never-unwanted miracle. My heart swells, it hurts with love, I love so much, two people I was made for. One to love, honour and obey, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, till death parts us. One to love, teach, cherish, grow, nourish, guide and pray for. Two people I could never leave, never forsake and never be without. My life would be emptiness, sadness and lonely meaninglessness without you.

I love you more today, seeing you with our son, seeing him smile at his daddy, knowing you, knowing you were there for him in the first hour of his precious life, when I could not. I love you more today than I did 3 years and 2 months ago, on that summers day under the big tree when we were so young and innocent and we promised each other the world, not knowing what it would take. I love you more today, knowing that you labour daily to provide for us, as God ordained, so that we can raise our son in His ways as He wills. I love you more today looking into the eyes of this tiny bundle of boy and seeing his utter trust and dependence on us, seeing the responsibility we have been given to grow him into a man of God, just like his daddy. I love you more today because you chose me, again and again, even when I am sick and fragile, and unable to be a wife. I love you more today, knowing the price we’ve paid to be here today, knowing the tears we’ve cried, and the prayers we’ve prayed, knowing the pain and frustration we’ve endured. I love you more today, knowing that with each day we will grow together, we will grow with the laughter and the tears of our son, we will grow with the love and commitment of our marriage, and we will one day go home and be together with the Father who grants us these things.

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4 Responses to “Today”

  1. Chris February 8, 2011 at 16:10 #

    I feel loved! 🙂 Thank you.

    • Lizanne February 8, 2011 at 16:12 #

      That would be the point 😉

  2. kerry February 14, 2011 at 08:27 #

    That was a really beautiful post from the heart and so well written. I remember that day under the tree 🙂 The gift of a husband and children is such a precious gift and is one that should never be taken for granted.

    But would our lives really be meaningless without them? Would God not use ever sad experience to make us more like Jesus. And wouldn’t that be a deep and joyful experience in the midst of all the pain? The most truly meaningful experience we could ever have?

    • Lizanne February 14, 2011 at 08:36 #

      Thank Kerry. And a very astute point… Thanks for reminding me 🙂

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